Homesickness at boarding school: what's normal and what helps

Some homesickness is normal. In research summarized for the American Camp Association, upwards of 90% of young people spending time away from home said they missed it to some degree. Most of that is mild and eases as a student settles in. A smaller group, about one in five, feels it more strongly, and they need more than "you'll be fine."

What the research does and doesn't cover

The figures here come from a briefing by Chris Thurber for the American Camp Association, which draws on his 2007 review with Walton in Pediatrics. They report that about 20% of young people away from home have moderate-to-severe homesickness, and about 7% have intense homesickness that comes with severe symptoms of depression or anxiety.

Most of that research was done at summer camps, where stays last weeks, not a school year. The briefing notes that homesickness has also been studied in boarding schools, universities and hospitals, and that people describe it in similar ways across settings. Still, treat the numbers as a rough guide for boarding school, not a measurement of it. The American Academy of Pediatrics retired the 2007 report in November 2017.

What homesickness looks like

Homesickness is distress caused by being apart from home and the people in it. Its defining feature, the briefing says, is recurring thoughts of home: family, the house, the dog, the food.

It doesn't always look like sadness. Students with stronger homesickness are often tearful and withdrawn. Some act out instead. Some have headaches or stomachaches with no clear cause. Some find it hard to make friends or to concentrate in class.

Who is more likely to feel it

The briefing lists risk factors for intense homesickness:

• little experience away from home before
• a bad experience away from home in the past
• low expectations or a poor first impression of the new place
• feeling forced to leave home
• a history of depression or anxiety
• mixed messages from parents, such as "Have a great time. I don't know what I'll do without you."

Two of those are in a family's hands. Your teenager's own say in choosing boarding school matters. So does how you say goodbye.

What helps before the first day

• Practice time away. A week with relatives, a sleepaway camp or a summer program gives your teenager a sense of what missing home feels like, and that it passes.
• Learn the place. Visit if you can. Know the names of the dorm parent and advisor, where the dining hall is, what a weeknight looks like.
• Talk about homesickness before it happens. Tell your teenager it is normal, that most people feel it, and that it is not a sign they made the wrong choice.
• Agree on a contact plan. TABS notes that schools build in relaxed times when students can call or FaceTime home. Pick a rhythm that keeps you close without making you the only source of comfort.
• Say goodbye clearly and warmly. Be glad for them out loud. Save your own tears for the car.

What helps once school starts

For students, the coping strategies campers in the research reported as most useful were simple: stay busy, talk with someone you trust, write home, make new friends, think about time in manageable pieces, and keep a hopeful frame of mind. At boarding school, "someone you trust" can be a roommate, a dorm parent, an advisor or a coach. TABS says schools have staff whose job is to watch over students' wellbeing as they adjust.

For parents:

• Listen first. Ask what the hardest part of the day was, and what they have tried. Then ask who at school they could talk to.
• Be careful with "If you hate it, I'll come get you." It is a kind thing to say. It can also work like the mixed message above, and make every hard evening a vote on whether to stay.
• Talk to the school yourself. A quick note to the dorm parent or advisor is normal. They see your child at dinner and at 10 p.m.; you don't.
• Give it time, but not unlimited time. No good research tells you how long boarding-school homesickness lasts. Ask the school what they usually see in the first weeks, and agree on when you will check in again.

College students get homesick too

Homesickness doesn't wait for a younger child. In UCLA's 2012 Your First College Year survey of students at four-year colleges, 66% of first-year students said they felt lonely or homesick, and 47% said they struggled with time management. (The survey asks about loneliness and homesickness together, so the first figure is not a pure count of homesickness.)

A 2017 study that tracked first-year students week by week through their first term found homesickness eased only slightly over the semester, and students who felt it more adjusted worse overall, although their grades did not suffer. Friends seem to matter most. In UCLA's 2019 survey of 6,263 first-year students, 55.1% of those who found it very hard to make friends on campus frequently felt lonely or homesick, against 8.9% of those who found it very easy.

My own daughter is 20 and living far from home for the first time, after two years at a community college near home. She has all the freedom in the world, and all the responsibility for her days, arriving at once. She is very homesick.

Why structure helps

No study I could find compares homesickness at boarding school and at college directly, or follows boarders into college to measure it. So what follows is an argument from the research, not a measured result.

The pieces line up, though. The risk factors above start with little experience away from home. The coping strategies that work best are staying busy, having someone you trust nearby and making friends. A first-year college student often gets the opposite all at once: an open schedule, no one checking in, and friends to find from scratch among thousands of strangers.

A boarding student's week is built around those things. At the school where I work, boarders have full days: classes, then sports or arts, meals together, evening study hours with an adult on duty, and a choice of weekend activities. They have real freedom, but inside a structure, and the freedom grows a little each year.

When it's something more

Call the school's counselor or health office, and your child's doctor, the same day if you see:

• not eating or not sleeping
• skipping classes or being unable to get through them
• pulling away from everyone, including you
• distress that gets worse over several weeks instead of better
• talk of hopelessness or of hurting themselves

If your child talks about hurting themselves, call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, which is free, confidential and open around the clock. Call 911 in an emergency.

Sometimes the honest answer is that boarding isn't right yet. A student who comes home after a hard term has not failed. Boarding school works for many teenagers, not for every teenager at every moment.

A longer runway

Boarding school doesn't make anyone immune to missing home. What it can do is let a teenager practice leaving home at 14 or 15, with adults close by, so that by college the hard parts are familiar: living with strangers, managing their own time, finding their people.

There is some evidence that this carries over, with caveats. In a survey commissioned by The Association of Boarding Schools (TABS) and reported in 2005, 78% of boarding graduates said they had been very well prepared for the non-academic side of college life, against 36% of private day and 23% of public school graduates. That survey is self-reported and industry-funded. A 2015 study in the Journal of Advanced Academics found TABS students more likely to graduate from college even after adjusting for their families' higher education and income levels.

Neither proves boarding school causes a better college experience; families who choose boarding differ in other ways too. But the direction is consistent: students who have already left home once tend to find the second time easier. That is the runway boarding school gives.

Sources

• Chris Thurber, "Homesickness and Young People's Adjustment to Separation", American Camp Association briefing paper (undated; cites research through 2007)
• Thurber and Walton, "Preventing and Treating Homesickness", Pediatrics 119(1), January 2007
• TABS, "For Parents" FAQ, accessed 14 October 2026
• UCLA Higher Education Research Institute, 2012 Your First College Year survey infographic
• UCLA Higher Education Research Institute, "2019 Your First College Year Survey" research brief, February 2020
• English, Davis, Wei and Gross, "Homesickness and Adjustment Across the First Year of College: A Longitudinal Study", Emotion 17(1), 2017
• Woodberry Forest School, report of the TABS / Art & Science Group survey of boarding, private day and public school graduates, 11 July 2005
• Steel, Erhardt, Phelps and Upham, Journal of Advanced Academics 26(3), 2015
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

Frequently asked questions

Is it normal to be homesick at boarding school?

Yes. In research summarized for the American Camp Association, upwards of 90% of young people away from home reported missing it to some degree. Most of that research comes from summer camps rather than boarding schools.

How long does homesickness last at boarding school?

There is no reliable figure. For most students it eases as they make friends and settle into a routine. If it gets worse over several weeks, talk to the school's counselor.

Should I bring my child home if they are homesick?

Not at the first sign of it, because mild homesickness is common and usually passes. But if your child shows signs of depression or anxiety, such as not eating, not sleeping or talking about hopelessness, get help the same day, and coming home can be the right choice.

Do college students get homesick?

Yes. In UCLA's 2012 Your First College Year survey, 66% of first-year students said they felt lonely or homesick. Students who found it hard to make friends felt it far more often.

How often should I call my child at boarding school?

Agree on a regular rhythm before the term starts, and let your child's adults at school do some of the comforting. Schools build in times for calls and video chats.

Related

• What does a dorm parent actually do?
• Five-day boarding: what it is and who it suits
• Is boarding school for troubled kids?

Last reviewed October 18, 2026.